in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
