can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
