I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
