Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
