If i come over, it means nothing
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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