It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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