what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
