Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
