hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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