when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
As shirtless as possible
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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