my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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