He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
