let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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