we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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