so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
