Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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