I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
