I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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