i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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