doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
pop tarts are not kleenex
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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