Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
