I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
