That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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