i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My feet surprised me
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