Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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