this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
