I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
