Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
