I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You need Xanax blowdarts
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
