sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
