we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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