I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
