Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
