This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i think i have herpe
just one?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
