you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
