I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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