It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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