Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
