i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
