they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize