Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
