I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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