No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I stole a fireplace last night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize