Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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