Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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