dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
