i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize