i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
