You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
