I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
