The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
