I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
sex in a hospital.. check
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
