after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
