So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
