The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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