Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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