I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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