Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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