Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
