I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
