I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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