I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
