Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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