You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
