I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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