I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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