nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
