oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
