I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
