I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
