Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
