You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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