I hate your face
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
