Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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