Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
