Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
is it fun? or sober?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
