happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
