are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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